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I Kissed Dating Goodbye
I can’t help but wonder how you felt when you saw the title of today’s “Freedom Friday” post. Did you roll your eyes and think to yourself, "Here we go again with another radical idea about dating”.
I can understand that. I’m guilty of that reaction.
I Kissed Dating Goodbye is the title of a very popular book for singles. It was written by a guy named Joshua Harris and, I’ve recently discovered, is one of Priscilla’s favorite books. I read it years ago with extreme reservation, but to my surprise, the title is actually a lot scarier than the book itself. Now, don’t get me wrong there are some super radical ideas presented, but I really enjoyed the book and over the years, it has challenged me to closely examine the different aspects of my life that dating touches - my level of contentment, my focus and dedication to the Lord, my personal purity, the way I treat others, and the way that I prepare for my future husband. I’m not sure if you have experienced this, but in every singles group that I’ve been apart of, this topic comes up.
- How are Christians supposed to date?
- Is dating Biblical?
- How long should we date?
So, since this is such a HOT topic among Christian singles, I wanted to do a poll among married couples. They are separated into two groups: Couples who married to date & Married Couples who dated to marry.
Married Couples who married to date:
- "I saw my honey for the first time leading praise and worship at church. I never had seen him before and honestly, I wasn’t really that attracted to him, but when I got home I couldn’t stop thinking about him. At that moment I began praying and asking God to reveal why this random guy was continuously on my mind. We would see each other around church every so often and when we finally were introduced to each other, I just knew that he was my husband....and he knew that I was his wife. He immediately asked me out on a date and 2 weeks later we were engaged and one month later we were married. That was 15 years ago and we are still going strong. Prayer is the reason that I feel we were able to get married so quickly. We sought God. He spoke and said it was so, and then we got married."
- "The first date my wife and I went on, I knew she was the one. I had been praying for years for God to send me my mate and when my path crossed with hers, I knew she was the one that I had been praying for. We were married 6 months after our very first date and that was 4 years ago. Getting married as quick as we did made the first 3 years of marriage so much fun because we were still getting to know each other!"
- "Ummmm, my husband and I met, got engaged and married in 3 months. That was 7 years ago and we still act like newlyweds. I definitely don’t regret getting married as quick as we did. It helped us remain pure and when you know, you know and there’s no need to wait!"
Married Couples who dated to marry:
- "My wife and I met our junior year in college. We both had been seeking the Lord for a mate, so we were excited when we met and discovered that we both had a lot of the same interests. We started dating....most of our dates were in groups with other couples. We dated for a year and then we got engaged and were married a year later. That was 5 years ago I really feel that the time we took getting to know each other really helped us when we became married. If I had to do it again, I wouldn’t change a thing."
- "My husband and I met at church. We had both been hurt in previous relationships, so we decided to take it slow.....I mean, reeaalllly slow. We dated for 2 years and then we got engaged and were married a year later. Contrary to what most people believe, we remained pure during the entire time. It was hard, but with God’s help we did it. I think waiting as long as we did allowed the Lord to heal us from past hurts and pains and it allowed us to be completely whole when we made it to the alter. We have now been married for 23 years and I love him just as much as I did when I first met him."
I wish I could have taped each couple sharing their story because they provided me with so much insight! After speaking with the above married couples, I guess the huge difference that I see is, the couples who married to date, didn’t enter into a serious relationship until they knew for sure that the other person was their wife/husband. And that’s actually the premise of Joshua Harris’ book. He challenged Christian singles to do their homework (get to know a person) before stepping into a dating relationship.
The couples who dated to marry, entered into a relationship with the other person with the idea that they were a great person and could be a potential mate, but they just weren’t sure. So, they used the dating period to help them decide.
What do you think about these two dating paradigms? What are the advantages and disadvantages of each? What have your experiences or standards been for the dating process? Are you a single gal who dates and enjoys it to the fullest? Or have you given up dating in favor of waiting for a certain amount of assurance before entering into a relationship with someone?
Can’t wait to hear from you,
Antrenette (A 30-year-old single gal!)