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I’m nervous about today’s post. In fact, I asked my husband if he thought it was appropriate for me to put on paper the thoughts that were swirling around in my head.
“Well, it ain’t called ‘Wife Wednesday’ for nothing”, he responded.
That was his way of approving my comments, I guess.
So. . . here goes. . .Loved.
The title of today’s post is also a title of a very popular book. I stole it :) The message of Intimate Issues, a Christian book geared towards married women, spread like a crazed wildfire when it hit bookstore shelves. Wives couldn’t seem to get enough of the jaw dropping, raw yet comforting message of the book. Finally, a book by Christian women for Christian women that answered real questions with frank, honest, clear Biblical answers.
We need resources like this don’t we? Let’s be honest . . . intimacy CAN be an issue and I bet there’s not one married woman reading today’s post who couldn’t shout “AMEN” to that. Somehow, before marriage, we idealize intimacy with mental imagery involving a zillion rose petals and feather-footed butterflies descending and ascending from the heavens every single night of our wedded lives. But reality often reveals a different, more accurate story.
Not necessarily worse. . . just real.
One of the most frequent and pressing issues that wives face in regards to intimacy . . is the lack of it. Somehow, the lure of sex seems constant before marriage. Drawing solid boundaries, setting standards and staying pure seems like a goal fewer and fewer singles are achieving as the enemy works overtime to pollute the God-given gift of sex.
But far too often, after that walk down the aisle and the first romantic interludes of the honeymoon phase, throngs of couples report that the fiery passion that was once a staple in their relationship becomes nothing more than a feeble, smoldering ember. Exhausted from daily demands, wives deem sexual intimacy with their spouse less and less important and cross it off of their list of priorities.
To be fair, there are tons of husbands whose sexual desire has fallen prey to an intense work schedule, a beaten down masculinity or the pressure of their new role as provider and protector. Many wives feel overlooked and undervalued as their husband’s roll over at night in the opposite direction of desire.
So, I want to make sure that you know. . . that I know that there is a flip side to this coin. Sure, we could go there . . . but this is “Wife Wednesday” so my challenge is going to be focused on you, not your husband, ok?
Take a deep breath.
Now keep reading.
Physical intimacy is important to your husband. It’s his love language. Trust me. I don’t even know him but somehow I feel positive about my assessment. Think about how you feel when he prioritizes conversation with you. When he is really listening and empathizing with your sentiments you feel special and important, right?
When you take time to speak his love language he feels the same way. He has a heightened sense of significance, his confidence and self worth is boosted and he feels like he can take on the world. And honestly, (not that our goal should be self serving) the ripple effect of a man, who actually feels like one, ultimately benefits the wife and the marriage. The boomerang effect of a man who feels well loved by his wife bounces back to her in the romantic currencies that matter most in her life.
Your husband feels very affirmed when you are enthusiastically intimate with him. In her book For Women Only, researcher Shaunti Feldhahn reports that 97% of men say they want to feel desired and sought out by their wives, not simply tolerated when they want to have sex.* Most likely your husband is one of these men. A wife that is proactive—initiating intimacy in the bedroom—causes her husband to feel loved, respected, admired, and treasured.
I guess you can imagine what today’s challenge is going to be, huh? Don’t worry, you’ve got 7 full days until the next “Wife Wednesday”. That’s a full week to strategize your plan, chart your course and take action. This week, plan a special night (Or morning. Or afternoon.) for your spouse. Get a sitter. Put the kids to bed early. Do whatever you can to make time for the two of you to be alone. Plan the music. Prepare your room. Put away your worries and reservations and go all out. Surprise him as you initiate an evening of affection and attention that he will never forget.
And then. . .get ready to have a happy man!
Have I lost you? Are you still reading? Good.