More on "Good Hair!"

This is such an interesting question and I look forward to seeing the comments! As a young girl (high school, jr. high) I was pretty confident. I didn't really go through a lot of the drama that is assumed goes along with that age. I felt skinny, I liked my hair, and my family told me I had legs like a model...so I figured I could be one if I wanted to be.

I struggle so much now that I am almost 40. After 4 kids, my weight is not where I would like it. I am considered normal, usually wearing a size 8 but look at the shows, magazines, clothing styles and I stress about weight loss constantly. My hair is pretty much a lost cause...although, if 80's hair will come back like the 80's stirrup pants I saw in Old Navy this weekend, I can be rocking some great styles! And even things like a roman nose that never bothered me when I was young causes me grief now.

I watch what I eat, drink tons of water, redo hair do's 3 or 4 times and imagine having a limitless income so I could have reconstructive nose surgery...but most of all, I have prayed and read the Bible searching for words from a loving Father who created me just as I am, in HIS image. The greatest thing I have learned from this very shallow struggle is to lift up my children. To tell them every day they are fearfully and wonderfully made. To remind them that they were known by God before they were even in my womb and to pray that they are able to KNOW that so they do not suffer the same struggles as they age!

This should have gone with yesterday's post, but I'm gonna ask my hair question today. :)

I've always wondered what God was thinking when he started desiging all of us. I will never understand how you can go for 2-3 weeks and if I miss a day I look like a greased monkey! :) I love the fact not one of us are the same and yet God knows how many strands of hair we have on our greasy heads. LOL - Seriously though... how do you go 2-3 weeks?

My sister and I were running Sunday morning, and we were talking about our childhood and how it is CRUCIAL that parents have to be way more intentional about their relationship with their kids now more than ever.

If we learn in our homes, how valued and loved and validated we are as children of God through our parents, it makes going through life a lot easier. Thankfully, I was surrounded by a great family and parents who loved me and taught me that my validation comes through God and Him alone, not by my friends, boys. etc.

Not only that, but I think the grace of God protected me from many things. Especially how I valued myself, and still do. I can easily get discouraged by wanting to be a size smaller, tanner, less hair on my legs (seriously), or whatever it may be, but I then realize that when I'm focusing on these things, they are consuming my thoughts rather than God and the abundant life He has planned for me this day.

So today, I'm encouraged to pray "Save us, O LORD our God, and gather us from the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name and glory in your praise". Psalm 106:47

Does black/brown skin require more care, i.e. lotions and oils because of dryness? I've noticed that people of color often smell fabulous and I wonder if they are buttered up with creamy lotions? Do tell.

PS Can I start using "yummy" terms for skin color: mocha, chocolate, caramel, peach, creamy.....not sure why the foody terms appeal to me but it makes more sense than simply black or white. :)

Thanks for the conversation, Priscilla!

I actually have tears in my eyes because here is a wonderful blog discussing differences with absolutely no racist undertones - a completely wonderful, liberating feeling! God made us all different and unique and we can talk about it without feeling like we need to apologize! Praise God!

I'm a very fair-complected peach woman (he he) with freckles. Growing up, I always felt unattractive because I didn't tan. And my hair is a stick-straight dark ash blonde. I've permed my hair. I've colored my hair. I've come to accept my hair for what it is. It's now a dark blonde with gray coming in. I'm good with that. I haven't dyed it in years. I've been thinking about it - but more for a boost to look pretty for my husband.

My best advice is to stop fighting what your hair is naturally and work with it. That's when you'll find the best looks for you and you can have fun!

I don't know if i posted the comment properly.....

To Ms Rachel Anne....You call me whatever you want just don't call me late for dinner : ) And personally i like the term "Chocolatey Delight'...LOL

To Priscilla to answer your question..." in what way do you feel pressure culturally to look a certain way? How has it changed what you do or don’t do with your appearance?

1. I feel the pressure to stay natural...as if to change would mean I've somehow sold out!!! I feel married to my natural hair and if i was to wear a certain type of weave or hair style then i've cheated on my natural do.

2. Since 2003 i've been through many changes. I've cut it 3 times, permed it twice, only to wear it long enough to have new growth and chop it again. Through those trials and error i now know what's best for me. Now, i would love to straighten it but the Florida heat doesn't agree with my frizz prone hair.

It's taken all of my near 27 years of existance to love myself just the way God created: dark skin,6'1,big nose , big lips,knocked kneed, frizzy head BEAUTY!!! I'm free to be me!

p.s. Your ministry such a blessing to my life! Currently doing the One in a Million bible study and it's helping me so very much!!!

-k'sh

I am a mocha sista (i LOVE these terms) and from the time i was in college, I was wondering how other black women could keep their hair looking so good all of the time! When I left the hairdressers it would look good for that day and that day alone. I have very thick hair but it also frizzes up really quickly so usually that is what would take its toll. Somewhere in there I discovered that cotton pillowcases were breaking off my hair and started wearing satin scarves. so my hair stopped breaking off so much BUT the style STILL wouldn't last that long. it wasn't until a few years ago when I was having this same discussion with my hairdresser that she tole me that many black women have weaves. Not everybody but more than I knew. Whaaat?!!! SO they had an unfair advantage! LOL! I can't bring myself to ear a weave though. I've worn braids for times like when i studied abroad in China and look much younger so you think I'd like those more. but my hair "creeps" and it looks very fuzzy very quickly. I just dont' like braids. I can't say that I don't like weaves though because I don't know who all has them. BUT i would feel weird walking out of work one day with my hair in a style akin to the old Halle Berry hairstyle and walking in the next with hair down to my shoulders. I think that the answer lies in what other women have talked about- loving me for me no matter what.

As a black woman(don't know what else to call it) who has been mistaken for spanish/half italian(i'm not) brazilian/mixed with Chinese right?(i'm not) Ethiopian(I'm not.so sorry) or one of your parents is white right?(sorry there both black) I used to hate my hair when I was growing up because it was a dead giveaway to my (i am speculating on some photos I saw of my great (and great)peeps) Scottish/English (albeit distant) heritage. It's curly and straight at the same time, course and soft, and bushy AND hard to manage....so in short I had the united nations in my hair.

You get tired of people asking you questions or wanting to beat you up because of it, so in college I went to an HBCU and became all "afrocentric" I started wrapping my hair in a lapa scarf(an african headdress) so you didn't see my hair at all....THERE problem solved! No more questions. Only thing was when I became a Christian God was like I created you, why do you want to change or cover up who you are. so I started wearing it curly again and dispite the uproar from the "perm/you better not SO YO ROOTS people", I am very happy having the United nations in my hair. Thanks so much for this discussion.

I dont know that i've felt culturally pressured... wait, i take that back... i've always had 'good hair' (whatever that means) and been told how beautiful it is, etc etc etc. and how much better it looks straight... When I went natural, it was seriously because I was going thru some things and spiritually for me it represented a fresh, new, authentic beginning. Natural hair sincerely for me was an obvious way to reject the notion that I HAD to keep on living to meet other people's expectations of me, be it how i looked or how i chose to live my life or view my faith & walk with God. As I've grown spiritually one thing God has really spoken to me is that He wants me to embrace the 'me' that He intended. My hair has represented appreciating that creation and really recognizing the beauty in being me. And it has translated into all aspects of my appearance - leading me at this point to a healthier lifestyle. Valuing God's creative power in the way He designed us is an act of worship for me - not vanity, just recognizing that what He does, He does perfectly. There is no flaw in how we look. So now i celebrate that gift instead of trying to make it something other than what God intended when He made me.

As a young black male with two sisters and a mother, I have grown up my entire life hearing about hair...lol. Both of my sisters have very long hair, one has a perm and the other is natural but is only 11 and will probably get a perm later in high school. My mother always wore a perm until 5yrs ago she lost it due to sickness and remained natural for 3yrs when it grew back (she was thankful for an opportunity to switch). I remember when my sister cut several inches of her hair, to my father and my dismay, and me telling her, "now how are we going to get you married off" (I was joking and it was received as humorous). My question is do men (more so husbands) have a right to prefer certain hair styles, textures, lengths over others? On one hand I often feel guilty as a man for creating some of those cultural pressures that may attempt to define what "good hair" is. However, I know many godly men (myself included) have definite opinions and preferences when it comes to hair (not that godly means we are blameless in every perception or idea). Are we wrong?

P.S. Above hair, the most attractive thing in a woman is confidence. Secure identity in Christ brings a glory and radiance that "perfect fair" could never achieve.

I am a Toffee! Loving the food references.

My skin is oily in places, I have mild adult acne and my skin burns. I always joke with people peach and brown about it. Many are amazed that my skin burns the way it does. My dad burns so I thought all brown skinned people did. :)

My hair is other... I had a relaxer but cut it out a few years back. When I wore it relaxed I would wash it about every week. With it natural I wash my hair almost every other day. It holds oil, gets very dirty and starts to smell after a few days. It is also very thick and takes about a day to completely air dry.

My parents have always lifted me up and told me that I was made just the way I was supposed to. I am blessed because I don't really have insecurities about my features. I like me just the way God made me. I know I'm not perfect but it doesn't faze me. My husband loves me just as I am. Even when my hair looks like a birds nest and I have on sweat pants and have gained extra weight. He still looks at me the same.

I am truly blessed that God has granted me such peace in this area of my life. It is through Him that I've never felt pressure to change anything about me.