Green Eyes

July 2007

I could see it in his eyes. They were changing colors, going from their normal dark brown to a deep, fuming shade of the most envious green. It wasn’t his birthday, so none of the gifts were for him. He loved his little brother but hated sharing the spotlight on days like these. On this hot Texas day in July, the attention was all focused on his brother who was turning 2 years old. He’d enjoyed most of the party, but now that it was time to open gifts, he was noticeably upset. I stood near to Jerry Jr., helping him to unwrap his new loot, but kept a keen eye on Jackson. I knew that this was hard for him, and I could see the proof in his eyes now filled to the brim with jealousy and tears that were starting to spill over onto his cheeks. I walked over, rubbed the top of his head, and stooped down to give him a squeeze. I told him that his day was coming, but he wasn’t consoled. November seemed so far away.

He kept his composure as long as he could but crumpled under the pressure when Jerry Jr. opened a gift that was irresistible. It was a brand new Tyke lawnmower. It was the exact height suitable for a 2 year old and had bells, whistles, and colors so bright you’d think you were staring directly into the sun.  That was it! Jackson couldn’t take it anymore. This special gift had sent him over the edge. He ran upstairs to his bedroom as fast as his four year old legs would carry him.

It must have been a full thirty minutes before he came out of that room again, but he did come back. When he emerged, he came bearing a gift to give. It was his old lawn mower: the one he had gotten just a year earlier. This toy had been specifically selected for him by his father and me.  The handlebar on this one was extended so it was the perfect height for our tall, skinny, oldest child. But now, this wasn’t good enough. With a manipulative grin, he brought his lawn mower to Jerry Jr., who had always been an admirer of the mower, and presented it as a gift. He smiled as his brother, accepted it cheerfully, and then went over to claim the new lawnmower that had just been unwrapped. Jerry Jr., enthralled with his brother’s kindness, gracefully allowed his new mower to be swooped up by Jackson, who had now convinced him that his gift was much better than the new one he’d just gotten that day.

It’s been a year now and each of my boys still have their mowers, but it’s obvious that something is wrong. The brand new one was too short for Jackson and has become even more awkward because of his growth spurt in the last 12 months. The old mower has a handle that is too tall for Jerry Jr. These toys are ill-fitted for their owners. I’ve tried to tell Jackson that he doesn’t have to mow the lawn all hunched over like that. I watch him play uncomfortably bent at the waist and wonder why he’d prefer to do that when he could stand tall with his own specifically designed gift. His eyes are too green with envy to see clearly. His blurred vision impairs him from seeing how ridiculous he looks trying to use a gift that is obviously not for him.

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Green with envy … I can see it in your eyes just like I can see it in my own. Our best friend is getting married. Our faces smile while our heart melts. Our neighbors get a new car. We wave and turn to look at our own belongings in disgust. Our colleague gets promoted; we attend the party but stand pitifully in the back corner. The praise leader sings, Bible study teacher speaks, author writes, musician plays and we applaud, then sulk in the pew longing desperately to do what they have done.

Our vision is blurred. Instead of truly celebrating the gifts given to others, we’ve run to our rooms to sulk in personal disgust and devise a plan to take on what they’ve been given. The One who loves us most tries to console us. He rubs us gently and whispers His love songs that tell us not to fear as our day is coming. But our day always seems too far away. Being green with envy, we’ve been pushed over the edge. We neglect to use the gifts that have been specifically chosen and given to us, and we steal others’. Aren’t you uncomfortable hunched over at the waist like that? I am. Aren’t you tired of having to work so hard to make that gift a good fit for you? I am. When will our eyes, glazed over with green, become clear again so we can see that what we have been given is by no means second best. It is exactly what we need, and when carefully honed, it is the most amazing tool we will have to minister to the world. The ultimate Gift giver has chosen and specifically designed our tailor-made gifts, and our greatest blessing will come when we celebrate what others have been given while having a personal party to celebrate our own.

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.  But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.  Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil.  For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice (James 3:13-16).