Alone With God
October 2003
I had thought and prayed about this
day all of my life and it had finally
arrived. I was engaged to be married.
I had longed for this day forever,
and now that I was right in the middle
of one of the best days of my life,
I felt ... weird. I didn't know what
I felt exactly. I wondered why I wasn't
jumping out of my skin with excitement
and joy. But I couldn't. I was just
mesmerized by the fact that I actually
had a ring on my finger, and it wasn't
a piece of cosmetic jewelry that I
had bought myself, this one was real.
It was from a real man!
The day itself had been a wonder.
In fact, the previous two or three
months had been a amazing. The building
excitement and thunderous anxiety
was taking it's toll on me. I had
been asking the advice of everyone
who I thought had some sense of spirituality.
Do you think I'm ready for marriage?
Do you think that, indeed, Jerry is
the one? Do you have any concerns
whatsoever that I might want to consider
before making this big decision?
The butterflies in my stomach were
flying in so many different directions
that I was sure they must all have
concussions by now from running into
each other. I thought that maybe some
profound statement from a friend --
or better yet, a dramatic sign straight
from the throne of God -- would make
those butterflies at least fly in
formation. Hopefully, they would just
go away.
But nothing that anyone said made
me feel any better or really made
any kind of sense. I was all alone
in the wondrous months before my engagement.
Of course, there were people physically
there, but no one could enter into
the inner core of me deep enough to
calm the storm that was raging inside.
Now I know that that is exactly what
the Lord wanted: me, alone with Him
for once.
I can recall several occasions where
God shook up my world in such a way
that the only alternative I had was
to come to Him. My tendency (and probably
yours, too) is to go to your friends
and family with your concerns so that
they can give you their best shot
at an answer. However, you will probably
most often find that no matter what
answer they give, it is still not
sufficient for the churning that you
feel in the face of life's matters.
There is only one being who can lead
us in the right direction when life's
questions need answers. You know who
it is. Why not just go to Him first,
instead of waiting until you are at
your wit's end? "Lean on Him
in all your understanding and He will
direct your path." (Proverbs
3:5-6)
He wants to lead us in every area
of our lives, but He waits for us
to come to Him. He wants to know that
we want Him just as badly as He wants
us!
By the way, I finally decided to allow
God to take control of my relationship
with Jerry, and we were married on
July 24, 1999
|
