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But We Aren’t Even Married!

Nicole | May 14, 2015

2015_05_14_But We Aren't Even Married - Image 1That was the response in my head when a former roommate asked what my love languages were.

“Have you ever taken the 5 love language test?”

“Well, yeah . . . but . . . “

I had taken the test several years ago but I thought it was only put to use by married folks and the soon-to-be married folks. I was neither. I had received my results and, at that time, considered it information to tuck away and then whip out on a first date. Kidding . . . second date. Ha!

Since I had always associated the 5 love languages with marriage, it hadn’t occurred to me that friendships (family and even work relationships!) could benefit from it as well. Mind blown. Why didn’t I think of this before? It all makes sense.

Why are they so important for friendships,too? Relationships are bonds that need to be nurtured as well. Knowing what your friend’s top love languages are would help you to love them well and to be loved well. It provides the perfect soil for your relationship to grow.

Okay, so if you’re wondering what on earth these “love languages” are that I speak of, wonder no more. Simply put, love languages are the unique ways you receive and give love.

Here’s a list of the 5 love languages:

  • Acts of Service
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Physical Touch
  • Quality Time
  • Words of Affirmation

We all give and receive love in specific ways. Some languages more dominate than others. There’s a neat test that you can take and, if answered truthfully, will give you your love languages in order of importance.

I have a friend that receives love through words of affirmation. So what do we do? We snail mail notes from time to time. I’ll include words that express how thankful I am for her and reminder her that she is being thought of. I’ll stick it in an envelope, put a stamp on it and send it out.

Physical touch is at the top of my list. I don’t mind having my personal space invaded with a long awkward hug. I welcome it. But for a friend of mine, just the mention of it makes her squirm. But that’s okay! I know how to show her that I care. And in return, she’ll give out a hug more often than not simply because she knows it’s important to me.

2015_05_14_But We Aren't Even Married - Image 2Want to play a little game? Watch how your friends show others that they care. It can be a clue as to how they would like to receive love within their friendships. Our initial tendency is to give love the way we’d like to receive it. Physical touch is on the top on my list, so I’m prone to hug you or squeeze your hand whenever I see you . . . even if it is our first time meeting.

You can also ask them what their top languages are to take the guesswork out of it!

When you’ve found out their top languages, then what?

  • Quality time? Spending time and giving them your full, undivided attention will fill them up. You’ll get bonus points if you leave your cell phone behind!
  • Receiving Gifts? This one isn’t about being lavished with expensive gifts. I once gave my friend a key chain because it reminded me of her. She was beside herself! Over a keychain! It was great.
  • Physical touch? A sincere hug, a squeeze of the hand, or a pat on the back are great gifts.
  • Words of affirmation? Words of encouragement mean so much. Letting them know how much you love them will go a long way. Little notes with these words would be a lovely gesture.
  • Acts of Service? Helping with items that are on their to-do list or a project that they’re overwhelmed with speaks louder than words.

You may just win the BFF award this year, my friend!!

Do you know what your top 3 love languages are?

Big Hugs!