Last Wednesday I found myself in quite the unusual circumstance. I had just arrived to work and started to have pretty bad lower abdominal pains. They got so bad that I finally ended up laying on the floor trying desperately to make them go away. Through the rest of the day I went through the ebbs and flows of having extreme pain to it subsiding and then coming back again. There were several guesses as to what it could’ve been, but no one ever knew exactly what it was. Therefore, I thought it was just something I was going to have to tough out. So, I headed home and prepared myself to lay on the couch and sleep through this whole thing, hoping that I would wake up and the pain would be gone.
About 9:30pm the pain got so bad that we decided to go ahead and go the ER just to make sure that it wasn’t anything too bad. Turns out, I had appendicitis and went into surgery just hours after I arrived at the hospital. Not at all what I was expecting when I went into the hospital.
The past few days have been a slow recovery process for me. I’m grateful that we went to the doctor when we did, before anything got worse. By the grace of God, I was only in the hospital for a few days and got to come home Friday afternoon. I’ve had an amazing support system which has made things a lot easier – my roommates and my boyfriend were there from the beginning, my brother drove in from Waco, and my mom was even able to fly in from Memphis to take care of me. I’ve had friends come and visit and of course my co-workers have been amazing as well. I’m so grateful for all of the sacrifices everyone has made.
The hardest part for me has been, what I feel like, is a slow recovery process. This morning I was feeling a little discouraged by the fact that I still don’t feel well, don’t have much of an appetitie, can barely get around, and still have to depend on people to help me. I’m not used to this sort of thing. I’m finding that it is easy for me to get bored by sitting around and not having something productive to do. I guess it’s that I feel like after 5 days from first going into the hospital, that a little stomach surgery should be over and done with.
However, I’m quickly learning that I am setting up expectations for myself that are not realastic at this time. My medicication hinders me from doing many things, and my abdomen is still in a good bit of pain. My body is telling me that it needs to go slow, and I’m thinking that it needs to heal faster.
I think I have the tendency to wish I were in different circumstances than the ones that are presently before me. There are probably lot of things I could enjoy during this time, rather than wishing that I wasn’t sick or wishing that I was back to normal health. It’s kind of ironic how when I am in full health and operating at full capacity I am always looking for space and rest, and then when I’m actually forced to stay at home and rest that I wish I could be well so life can be normal again.
I COULD be enjoying the fact that although I may not feel well, I’m able to spend time with my mother that I wouldn’t usually have, I don’t have to feel bad about resting because all this mediciation makes me so sleepy, I can enjoy a little bit of stillness in my life, and appreciate watching a movie every once in a while. (you guys need to know that I hardly do any of those things – I’m not saying that’s a good thing, just stating facts =) )
Hmmmmmmm . . . lesson learned for today: be content in any and every situation, as Paul so beautifully states in Philippians 4. And when I am forced to rest and heal, it would probably be good of me to do just that, rather than be frustrated and miss the beauty of what God has for me in this moment.
I hope you are encouraged to be fully alive to what God has for you today, whatever the circumstances may be.