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Sep 14, 2011

I realized something about myself tonight that I’m not too particularly proud of. I’ll spare you all the details, but basically I . . .

Do not like being vulnerable

I’ll be vulnerable as much as I want to when it’s convenient for me, but when it comes to the uncomfortable places, the times when it’s not glamorous or requires humbling myself and stripping off the perfectionism that I so want to portray, then my natural tendency is to sugar coat things and make people think I feel one way, but in reality something totally different is going on in this head of mine. 

Tonight I had the opportunity to look someone square in the face and be completely honest with them about how I felt. I was given a choice: I could either answer the question at hand with a response that would make me look better and probably make the situation a whole lot easier (in the short-term at least) or I could give  a 100% clear answer with nothing to hide, knowing that the outcome probably wasn’t going to be quite as lovely as I would have liked. 

For some reason God allowed me to completely let my guard down and let someone into the real, honest me; to hear me answer their question with the exact feelings and thoughts that were goin on in my heart and in my head.

And I’ve got to tell you that it was the most freeing thing in the world. Was my answer what they wanted to hear? No. Did it make me look holy and righteous? No. Was it scary? Yes.

But do I think that greater freedom is going to come from it? Yes! Do I think that it shows signs of God transforming my life, creating me to be more and more like Him? Yes! Do I think that I am not the same person I used to be? Absolutely! And that God is committed to my holiness and purity and sanctification? Yes!  

Tonight I felt so vulnerable. It felt unsafe to let someone into the deep places of my heart. But I feel God ushering me into deeper and newer dimensions of intimacy with Him. I think that the more vulnerable I become, the more I let my guard down, the more of Jesus I will see in my life. 

And so today I’m here to encourage those of you who can maybe relate. Perhaps you are the same as me, always wanting to give sound judgement and wisdom so much so that we don’t always let people know what’s really going on with us because we want to make sure that our words are always wise and wouldn’t want to give anyone the wrong impression. 

Today, we are going to put this one to the grave. Want to join me? Is there someone you need to go back to and tell them that you didn’t give them the exact truth when they asked you that question? Or maybe you’ve been dealing with a particular issue for a while now and have yet to tell anyone what you are going through? Or maybe even it’s the fact that your friends just want to know you for who you are, but they feel like you put up walls sometimes and don’t always let them in? 

Let’s go ahead and commit to being totally honest with ourselves today. Perhaps today you just need to commit to being totally honest all day long. Or maybe you need to go back to a previous conversation you had and tell your friend the complete truth. Or maybe this is something you have been struggling with for a long time and just need someone to pray for you and ask God to remove this facade from your life.

As Priscilla would say, can we just give each other the freedom to do this today? I have a feeling God wants to do some neat stuff in our lives today. Will you join me?